Every time I step out on the road and log mile after mile, my mind is filled with different thoughts and emotions. At times, I’m thinking about the impact we are having on the lives of thousands of kids here in the US, and the many hundreds we will be helping in Iraq and Afghanistan. With those types of thoughts, I tend to get really excited and energized. Other times, I’m trying to figure out where I am because the names of the streets aren’t what they are on the map. And still other times I’m simply deep in imagination, listening to my audio books on my ipod.

There are other thoughts in my head though. Often times, my head drifts off to thoughts of my friends from the military who weren’t as lucky as I was to make it home. Even now, with all that has happened to me in the 5 years since I served, and 643 miles I have walked during ASM4P so far, it is hard for me to admit I have these thoughts so often. There is a part of me that has felt shameful for feeling so strongly about losing these guys. There were people who knew them far better then I did and were much closer to them, and it makes me feel almost selfish for the sadness I sometimes feel. There is always a hint of guilt, knowing I survived and they did not.

There are a few reasons I had for becoming a part of War Kids Relief and starting ASM4P; I believe in the possibility of sustainable peace, the innocence of children, and the possibility of any man, woman, or child to have the ability to change the world. I do this all for one other reason; because I believe my lost comrades would believe in these same things too, and I want to honor them.

I listen to a lot of music during my walks, and I could probably compile all the music into a good soundtrack for this whole event (though I think it would drive Dina nuts).  Thinking about my fallen friends today, I listened to a song that had just the right lyrics for the moment. I’ll share some of those lyrics with you…

Numb and broken, here I stand alone
Wondering what were the last words I said to you
Hoping, praying that I’ll find a way to turn back time,
can I turn back time

…You never left me The Rising sun
Will always speak your name

It won’t be long, we’ll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won’t be long, we’ll meet again
My love for you is everlasting

I mourn for those who never knew you
I mourn for those who never knew you

It won’t be long, we’ll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won’t be long, we’ll meet again
My love for you is everlasting

— (Song credit: Rose of Sharyn by Killswitch Engage)